Therapy and conflict

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 conflict-cannot-survive-without-your-participation-quote-1

I decided to write a series of rambles, here is my first ramble. 

A few years ago, when I was teaching a Hypnosis course. A student participating in the course, was genuinely surprised when I shared that I was recovering from a cold. “I wouldn’t expect you to get a cold Alexia”

I found this interesting, the student had made an assumption that being a Hypnotherapist, somehow made me immune to getting a common cold.

Over the years, I have heard variations of this myth. Clients being surprised when  I admit, I get angry or feel sadness or frustration. So, I thought  I would share, and why not? My life is about encouraging people to share their inner worlds with me. I’m more than happy to be open with you.

I have periods of time when I experience inner conflict, It’s not what you expect to hear from a  Therapist. There is an assumption, that we (Therapists) have worked it all out, and our lives are uncomplicated and blissful.  So to admit, that I experience inner conflict, may seem incongruous to my profession. Well, I do.  I’m happy to share this with you, and guess what?  It isn’t a problem, I see it as an asset, to me on a  personal level, and valuable regarding my work.

I will explain why.

The conflict I create is intimately connected to my purpose and passion for making sense of my existence.

It is curiosity. I’m curious and I enjoy it.

The conflicts,  inner debates and more often than not, futile discussions, are in constant motion, evolving, as I continue to learn.  Nothing is static, our thoughts and feelings are always in flow. If we step back rather than resisting and fighting.   Strangely, what I often consider is very important to think about and understand, becomes pointless. What I consider pointless becomes, far more interesting.

Some days, I muse and curse internally for hours, wanting to understand and feel clarity.  The next day, I don’t care, I’m in flow, I feel love, joy and a sense of awe,  with the insanity and nonsensical beauty of life. YAY.

One would think, surely Alexia, you want basque in joy, every day? Yeah, I do, I have strong addictive nature,  but I  have learnt to understand these desires, and accept my curiosity for learning and further wisdom. I realise my desire to learn,  has equal importance to the transitory joyful feelings.

I truly believe, one has to step into the richer soil of our consciousness, to really fully understand ourselves.

As a Therapist, I feel it is important for me, to keep a close eye on what goes on behind the scenes of my consciousness, if I don’t, I will unconsciously contaminate the sacred space, between myself and the person I’m working alongside. In addition, as a Therapist, I see myself as a guide, to helping people understand their inner worlds. By keeping in touch and nurturing behind the scenes of my consciousness, I feel more in tune with the feelings people share.

Knowing is not enough; we must apply. Willing is not enough; we must do. Goethe 

How can we really know and understand ourselves without venturing into our darker side?

Life has taught me, my darker side is a protective friend, which when respected and understood, is a fruitful teacher.  If my little inner darker side is ignored, she will cause F**king chaos and has many times,  I’m writing a book about this.  Date to complete? err, give me another year, I may say that next year. I’m in no rush, it’s joyful, at times, said through gritted teeth.  Anyway, let’s not go off topic.

I have ruminated over the years, regarding the term darker side, I’m not fully in tune with this term. I continue to use it, for simplicity.

Navigating our darker side can be painful, to begin with, however, during the pain, moments of insight, clarity and understanding emerge, which Goethe called pregnant points, moments when something just makes sense. These small moments are golden, and when recognised and valued, they come more frequently.  (Key point, look out for them)

Pain passes, something which was disastrous can change our lives in a profoundly beneficial way, so what might be painful now will transform with time.  Pain can be your greatest teacher, my ignorance to the call of my soul in the past, led to a great deal of pain.

My favourite quote is “Continually trying to look on the bright side interferes with our finding the wisdom that lies in the fruitful darkness. Continually striving upward toward the light means we never grow downward into our own feet, never become firmly rooted on the earth, never explore the darkness within and around us, a darkness without whose existence the light would have no meaning.” Stephen Harrod Buhner

What is my advice for embracing inner conflict?  

  • It will pass and although it might be distressing. Remain, mindful,  clarity and resolution, will follow if you do not resist this inner debates.
  • I would strongly suggest writing down the arguments. What is the positive purpose of the conflict? This is really helpful
  • You can just say, f*ck it and let it go.
  • Be the observer of the thoughts, arguments and feelings. You are not your thoughts. They are just thoughts and feelings pass.
  • Focus on the solution, this a useful way to direct the inner debates towards inner unity.  Simply keep saying, what do I want? How can I resolve this?

I feel it is important to challenge my beliefs, thoughts and assumptions about myself and the outside world. Clients, often unknowingly challenge my beliefs which I welcome. I’m self-aware and practice what I preach. I do not see myself as a guru, or an expert on living, I see myself more as a seasoned navigator of difficult inner terrains.

A few year ago I climbed Kilimanjaro, I was led by a man, who had walked every path of this mountain many times. I’m not an experienced mountaineer, it was wise a decision to walk the path with this chap.  I developed AMS (acute mountain sickness) and was taken care of by people, who knew what was required for me to heal.

How different my experience may have been, without walking the path with an experienced and wise soul.

With that, I would like to express my sincere gratitude, to all those who have shared with me over the years. I feel truly honoured.

Why not? Be gentle with yourself.
Alexia   X

www.alexiaelliott.co.uk 

Hypnotherapist in Leicester

Alexia Elliott

I’m available on Skype, or come and see me,  in my office in Leicester.

Free consultations available to all new clients.

I am a hypnotising, Hypnotist,  using Hypnosis. 🙂

Tel 07966412209

 

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